Hello... I think its time for a big catch up.
Forgive me in advance I do go on a bit, (& for spelling & grammar).
I want to share where I am right now….
Ok so where do I start? Let’s go back a bit... the last 7 years I’ve been swirling , trying stuff out, too afraid to commit to any one thing? Or it just didn’t feel right.
I wanted to grow into something but what? I was so out of touch with myself .
I had tried many different projects: managing a band, writing a movie musical and designing.
There can be so many outside seductive influences pulling us in a number of directions and perhaps I was expecting something /someone to give me what I couldn’t find myself.
I’d lost my internal sat nav, it’s a hideous feeling – Where’s my Girl Power? I felt like a little squirt, squirming in the dark.
I’m grateful for those opportunities, but in my heart, I really knew I want to make music. It’s always about the music, and I need to be a mother. I want to be relevant but true to myself.
A few years ago I started to dip my toe back in the water, I began to realise things had changed, I needed change, I had to change…
I also felt resistant to things out of my comfort zone like social media, I was the last Spice to join Twitter.
I felt overwhelmed, fearful, I didn’t want to participate, I wanted to protect myself from judgement, but in doing so I was missing out on a lot of fun.
Who was I fooling? Certainly not myself, not any more…
But something has changed in me, I realised how insulated and stuck I had become.
It was only when I started to listened to myself – do what you love, even though you’re scared, be brave, and find that energy you use to have.
Normally I would wait for a triumph to tell you any of this, so I could hide behind the armor of success, but I thought it might be cool to share my process with you…
The first is music. A new beginning… Back in December 2012, let’s call it the December song – I wrote it sitting on the floor with a guy on a guitar, no over thinking, no judgement… I smiled… yeah this is me.
Its happening to all areas of my life… musically and personally, I’ve started saying yes to all sorts, taking chances, letting go of being perfect, perfectionism kills art , fun and life. Hey Twitter is my new playground, it’s so liberating to be silly, foolish, to not care if I look like a silly cow, oh and I did a cameo role on a comedy the other day.
I feel like me again, having fun immersed in creativity and music. Its really empowering to just get out of ones comfort zone, participate – in all areas of life.
I am a work in progress, I feel excited and scared as I jump off these ledges, but you might want to jump with me?
I’ve spent half my life in your eyes, you are still with me, and I with you.
I’m not sure what my future blogs will say, and maybe just about burning pizza and reverse parking.
I’m in studio this week… writing with someone I’ve never met before… Excited, scared, happy, cool.
Love you all dearly…